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The worlds most awful, tedious, crap, sad, retarded, failure of a rock group.

  • Iron Maiden

    AARRRGGHHH! They epitomise everything bad about Heavy Metal. It is bands like this that give Metal a bad, and sad, name. Let's look at the points against them, shall we? Yes, we shall.

  • Repeatative, tedious "songs".

    Most of their "tunes" have 1 riff and 1 chorus and 1 guitar solo which always consists of widdley, high pitched 15th fret wankery.

  • Stupid undead demonic satan devil-worshipping band mascot.

    Their mascot is called "Eddy the 'ead". Oh please... He is a corpse type thing which scares people, and makes Iron Maiden fans froth at the mouth, and gush some bollocks about "ooh, the artistry is amazin', man, 'n' thu pik-chuz are of kool fings, like ded fings. Huh huh.

  • Long, frizzy, girly hair, cheap basket-ball-boot type trainers.

    Look like they live a dodgey backstreet in east London. The hair makes them look stupid. It is almost down to their waists. In short, they look terrible. Truely terrible.

  • Tight, drain pipe jeans.

    See the last point.

  • No talent. For anything.

    They are thick. They can't write songs, but write songs because they can't do anything else, either. They don't have the intelligence to be a street sweeper or a bin man.

  • Think they're hard. Most songs about fighting, war, death, etc. etc. Zzzz.

    These men aren't hard. They have long girly hair. They write about war death killing blood monsters, because these topics appeal to the brain-dead, drooling moron that is the average Iron Maiden fan.

  • They are stupid.

    Sample lyric (taken from a song about a German submarine stalking and killing a merchant fleet during world war..zzzz snore): "Like a cunning fox in a chicken's lair". Eh? What? Chicken's lair? Dur, hello?

  • They headlined a festival called "Metal 4 Muthas".

    Oh deary deary me.

    The verdict? This band should be shot immediately. If you live near any of them I urge you to defy the law, obtain a firearm, and gun down these men for crimes against music. If you are a fan of the band, I can only suggest you drown yourself, before you terminally embarrass you family until they are chased from their home by men carrying burning torches.

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